itch.io

I was so happy I thought it was about the Ball pit in Dashcon

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm you think?

epic gamer moment

no ew

Imma pla mineraft now

your bald tho noob

thanks

I'm right here

probably

Because shitposting is fun

Y E S

I was only nine years old. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Shrek. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". Shrek leaves through my window. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.

looking for epic gamer girlfriend willing to play fortnite with me all day and night, we will hold hands and do epic things like fortnight and not gay things like apex >:(

(SUPA GAY ALLOWED)

I love shitposting (SUPER GAY)

stroll into my local GameStop

looking to pick up a copy of Binding of Isaac

grab the game and take it to the charming maiden at the register

"Pardon me, milady...but could you ring me up? A shame I don't have your number or I'd ring you up instead..."

she giggles and takes the game, blushing as her fingers brush mine due to my fingerless gloves

her eyes widen as she reads the game's title

"Wow, I've never seen anyone buy this before! You must have special taste!"

I smile and ready a witty response when suddenly a voice rings out from behind

"Hahaha look at what this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ is buying! That's not Call of Duty Advanced Memefare! What a piece of ♥♥♥♥!"

I quickly turn around, my cloak billowing behind me, to discern the source of the rude outburst

generic dudebro caricature with a sports team cap and "the guy that beat you up that one time behind the school in early October" shirt is standing there guffawing

"Excuse me sir...you may disparage my person if you wish, but it is untoward to swear in front of a lady."

"♥♥♥♥ you ♥♥♥♥♥♥!"

I smile quietly and tip my fedora low across my eyes, concealing them

"As you wish..."

I quickly swing my cane into his kneecap before he can react

he bellows and charges forward

I expertly sidestep him and the cashier screams as he crashes into the counter

I draw my sword-cane and mutter a quiet oath as I drive it deep into his back

"...requiescat in pace..."

As I clean my blade the girl walks out from behind the counter, twirling her hair with her fingers

"So...maybe you'd like to come over to my place to play that game sometime...?

"No thanks, milady, it's only single player. Besides..."

I sheath my sword

"You're not my type."

skate away on my Heelys

I know you probably don't care, but I am sorry I don't have the money to support your game :(